Rushing Into a Relationship

One thing that we learn as advocates in the domestic violence field is that, if a person you are dating rushes into a committed relationship really fast, you should turn and run away because, oftentimes, this person knows that their true colors will unfold soon and, if you aren't committed to them, you will run fast. At least, if you are committed to them (especially via a marriage), you will think twice about running -- after all what will your friends and family think after just having attended your "magical" and "whirlwind romance" wedding?

When I met my beau online, the pace was going good. We talked through the dating matching site called PLENTY OF FISH for several weeks, then we made that date. We went to Red Lobster for dinner. He was sooo very nervous. I don't think I have ever made anyone that nervous before. We then went to the Arboretum Park where the ducks were on that summer evening and watched the ducks and geese waddle around in and out of the water that sported some lit spouting fountains. It was beautiful and we had plenty of time to talk one on one out of the way of an environment like the restaurant was filled of people. It was a great evening, but also an evening that he asked me on a second date - to his sister's wedding just a couple of weeks later.

I worried that he was going too fast because who actually goes to a date's family member's wedding on their second date. I almost backed out before the wedding, but each time I talked to him on the phone after our first date, he was so very excited and let me know how excited he was that I was coming to the wedding and that his family was looking forward to meeting me.

I got a new outfit before the wedding day to wear. At least, if I became uncomfortable among his family members, it wouldn't be that they were thinking that I looked strange or in worn clothes, etc.

The day of the June wedding was wonderful and I enjoyed meeting his family (he had 9 brothers and sisters, although not all of them attended, and they had their own dates or family members). I was a little quiet though because I had been living by myself for a few years and wasn't used to that sort of a crowd of folks...especially being thrown into someone's personal wedding event. They did make me feel at home though, although it wasn't apparent clearly to them at the time - because they weren't used to someone being on the quiet side around them. Hee hee!

After the wedding though, my beau started calling me less and less. I was busy taking biotech courses that summer though while working fulltime on the hotline and involved with other activities. Because I didn't want to rush into anything, too, I wasn't worried about him not calling me too much. Either I wasn't a good fit with him and his family - or, he was just as busy during the summer.

It wasn't until his birthday came around in October that I actually heard from him again. He told me that he really missed me and would love for me to come to his birthday party. It was a good thing that I decided to go to his birthday party because he later told me that was when he decided that he had fallen in love with me and my blue eyes. In fact, to this day, he uses that date (October 4th) as our anniversary date -- especially since we had lost track of when we actually met on PLENTY OF FISH and talked to other and the date of our first date.

Honestly, though, if we had continued to date during that time, I'm not sure that we would be dating still as it had made me a bit uncomfortable rushing into meeting the family members, etc. so very soon in the relationship.

Right now, it has been over a year and a half that we've been dating each other and he still hasn't met my family, other than my lovely daughter who is very protective about who I date and seems to hate everyone that seems to come between our relationship, at least by her own perception.

If you feel that your dating time is being rushed into a committed relationship, it is okay to back away for a bit. If it is true love, it will be like a boomerang and bounce back, if it is meant to be.