Atypical Needs

One thing that has hindered me from a long term relationship since 2004 surrounded my car accident on February 1, 2004, that resulted in a lifetime condition called Lymphdema. In my case, the lymphedema spring boarded from the action of my knees hitting the steering wheel in my '92 Chevrolet Blazer.

I was able to get some treatment for it through the Lymphedema and Wound Clinic at North Austin Hospital in Austin, Texas; that is, I got treatment so long as I was able to get a charity grant since I didn't have any health insurance at the time, which was only for about 10-12 treatments. They trained me on self lymphatic massage techniques, as well as wrapping my legs with many rolls of compression bandages. What helped me in the future was also being granted a pump just for the calves through the Bio Compression System that offered circulating lymphatic fluids for an hour or so each day.

One of the key things to do when you have lymphedema conditions is to make sure that the limbs (whether it is in your legs or in your arms) is to elevate those limbs. It can be difficult to do in many jobs though; however, when I was working at a shelter and later at a domestic violence hotline, accomodations weren't necessarily afforded me as folks didn't see my condition as a disability of sorts. Many were quite uneducated about the condition, partly because there was still so little real information out there about the condition. I had even contacted a disability non-profit program called Advocacy Inc and they were even less supportive about me needing to be accomodated at work for my condition. I was shocked.

By the time that it was 2008 though, my condition progressed to such a severe case with pressure wounds increasing from 1/4 inch - 2 inches wide and getting deeper to where you could see the fatty tissue beneath the skin. Because of the pre-existing policies for health insurance, I knew that I couldn't go anywhere for treatment within 12 months in getting on a medical insurance policy. If anyone had written anything in their records about the lymphedema condition, I wouldn't be covered under the policy because it would then be construed as a pre-existing condition. While it was diagnosed in 2004 and I received treatment from the end of 2004 to the beginning of 2005, I had no money to see a doctor for continued treatment. Fortunately, I was finally offered a full time position, which entitled me finally to a medical insurance policy, in June 2008. After 30 days, in my fulltime position, my insurance policy went into effect and it was 2 days after it became into effect, I started my pursuit of treatment of the lymphedema, wherein I was referred to the HealthSouth Rehabilitation Hospital's Lymphedema Wound Clinic for treatment. Finally, I was able to get some help.

This was the same May/June/July that was the initial part of our relationship. Although he might not admit it, I am sure that this is one of the contributing factors to him holding off seeing me until October when he also came about to knowing that I was finally getting treatment and getting the necessary health care that I so needed for my very existence. Not only was I getting treatment for the lymphedema condition though, I was also diagnosed with and began treatments for Osteopenia. For most folks looking for a long term relationship, it would be understandable that they would not want to commit to the relationship.

Perhaps, though, one of the reasons that he didn't run away from me, especially after his birthday party in October, was that he himself had some conditions himself that might hinder someone likewise to have a relationship with him. For example, when he was 4 years old, he was riding a bike along a sidewalk when a 12 yr old was driving their drunk parent home and ran up on the sidewalk and ran over him. He probably shouldn't have survived from that, but he did. Later, his aunt accidently ran over him as well. He had though the support of a tight knit family (filled of love and care from his 9 brothers and sisters), he survived his head injury and was a very functional person in society from critical and severe injuries. He was very lucky to have his family, as well as some very strong bones. In high school, he was a vital team member on their football team. Later, his college education was interrupted by the need of him needing to take care of his Mom until she died. At her death, he took it hard and had to learn how to move forward with his life, a life that had been previously dedicated towards taking care of his Mom with her ailments.

It was hard for me, initially, to accept help from him -- as I had been fighting my condition for 4 years already on my own. As soon as I let him help me, I came soon to realize how truly caring of an individual he was and began to love him all that much more. He was determined though and I have grown to appreciate his very caring nature to help me manage my lymphedema condition, especially to the point that it isn't near the problem now than it was even better than a year ago.

Patience can be a great thing in a relationship. Too, the allowing of each other to help one another's weaknesses can be a huge lesson in allowing someone else into their lives, as well as exercising a bit of humility, similar to the story in the Bible where they washed each others feet.

Having atypical needs (needs that might not be found in everyone else's relationship) has brought us closer to one another as we get the opportunity to experience caring for one another at another level that a typical couple may not have to even remotely experience -- especially on a long term basis (not just taking care of one another because they are ill for a couple of weeks).

For a while in our relationship though, I was resistant because I didn't want to love him just because he was helping me by physically caring for me as well as motivating me for improving my own health care emotionally. There were other things that I loved about him the more I got to know him and soon realized that my love is genuine for him and not just his acts of kindness towards me.